well, not quite..
I return to my desk to see the Russian there, in my seat...
Russian: Oh hello. sorry I was just borrowing your stapler here. Your desk is very cosy, like home away from home
Me: And here I thought you had finally decided to move in
Russian: would you want me to move in with you?
Me: Mi casa es su casa
Russian: oh and me without my suitcase!
Friday, November 27, 2009
another weird dream
Dreamt I was in the ladies room of some big chinese restaurant. This very pretty asian girl comes in and we start chatting, then her little sister comes in looking for her and her older sister starts playing with her hair and says "look she's as pretty as a geisha" to which the little sister makes a face and says she would never ever be a geisha, and the older one looks at me and winks, and I tell her when I was her age I wanted so much to be geisha, me, this big ugly "gaijin" from the west. They laugh and say "look in the mirror" but there isn't one in the bathroom. And I wanted to wash my hands but the sinks are filled with food and I end up getting water and soap in a fish dish and make a mental note not to eat that one.
Then they invite me to dinner with them, so I follow them outside and at the table are all these smart handsome men, and Colin Firth (who I absolutely love, hello!) and they are sitting or slumping in their chairs rather, eating Dim Sum in this nearly empty restaurant, chatting and laughing. The only empty seat is one at the table but in front of Colin Firth who has his leg stretched behind and under my chair (wearing a very nice pair of Italian leather shoes too) and I keep saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" as I try to squeeze my big butt between people and into the seat. They are all talking about history and politics and Colin smiles at me but all I can think about is how rickety the chair is and that it's going to break and collapse under my weight and I'll fall onto Colin Firth's feet and his nice Italian shoes and maybe break his leg and I'll be so embarassed...and then they ask me my opinion on the Canadian standpoint on the war in Iraq as it relates to Canada's historical standpoint in wars, all looking at me to answer....and I woke up.
That's it. I've decided I HAVE to lose weight cuz I may someday meet Colin Firth or someone else I admire and the last thing I want to be obsessed about is how they see me. Or that I may fall on them and break thier legs or at the very least ruin their shoes.
Then they invite me to dinner with them, so I follow them outside and at the table are all these smart handsome men, and Colin Firth (who I absolutely love, hello!) and they are sitting or slumping in their chairs rather, eating Dim Sum in this nearly empty restaurant, chatting and laughing. The only empty seat is one at the table but in front of Colin Firth who has his leg stretched behind and under my chair (wearing a very nice pair of Italian leather shoes too) and I keep saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" as I try to squeeze my big butt between people and into the seat. They are all talking about history and politics and Colin smiles at me but all I can think about is how rickety the chair is and that it's going to break and collapse under my weight and I'll fall onto Colin Firth's feet and his nice Italian shoes and maybe break his leg and I'll be so embarassed...and then they ask me my opinion on the Canadian standpoint on the war in Iraq as it relates to Canada's historical standpoint in wars, all looking at me to answer....and I woke up.
That's it. I've decided I HAVE to lose weight cuz I may someday meet Colin Firth or someone else I admire and the last thing I want to be obsessed about is how they see me. Or that I may fall on them and break thier legs or at the very least ruin their shoes.
New Year's Resolutions: Work in Progress
1. Update this blog more frequently.
... will add more as I think of them
... will add more as I think of them
More Flirting with the Russian
Me: Owie my neck is stiff, I need a massage
Russian: oh come here *gives a half-assed massage with poking*
Me: Phooey you need to brush up on your skillz yo
Russian: well, I've never had a massage before. Well not a professional one anyway
Me: happy ending?
Russian: of course!
-----------------------------------
Russian: *bops past my desk with his IPod blaring*
Me: hey you what are you listening to?
Russian: *very very loud* ACE OF BASE!
Me: yikes ok ok turn it down a notch, eh?
Russian: sorry, it's Ace of Base, *sings* I'm in love with another fool..
Me: yeah, I kinda know what that feels like...
-------------------------------------
Russian: I just wanted to let you know I'll be away from the office Friday.
Me: Thank you for the forewarning, I'll try not to miss you too much
Russian: AND you were away yesterday, I missed you. WHAT THE HELL?
Me: sorry, I had to take a vacation day. I posted a note at my desk tho
Russian: you should have said something. I think I deserve that much
Me: Well if I had your home phone number I could have called you sunday night to let you know
Russian: oh no, no no no...
Me: lol I take it the Significant Other would not approve?
--------------------------------------
Me: *bumps into Russian at the nearby mall at lunchtime*
Russian: hey what are you doing here?
Me: *slips arm in his and snuggles close* spending YOUR money?
Russian: LOL
-----------------------------
The Russian got a birthday Oh Henry bar he shared with us at break time...
Me: ah that's nice. We should stick a candle in it and you can blow it out
Russian: you want me to stick what in the where?
----------------------------
the Russian sometimes has trouble with English idioms...
Me: where'd you get that chocolate bar?
Russian: Carol gave it to me
Me: wow, between her chocolate and my zuchinni nut bread you're going to be a nice plump christmas goose by Christmas
Carol: yeah we're going to butterball him up!
Russian: what? you want to butter my ball? i don't understand...
----------------------------
The Russian just got back from a lunchtime visit to PJ Pet store...
Russian: look!
*dangles a fake furry squeek mouse on a string in front of me*
Me: very cute. is that for your kitty?
Russian: yes, i hope she will like it
*continues to bounce it in front of me*
Me: what? you want me to play with it? oh ok.
*bats hand at the toy*
Russian: meow meow meow hehehe
--------------------------
Standing on the escalator together this afternoon...
Russian: *missteps and nearly falls backwards on me* WHOOPS!
Me: Are you falling for me hun? lol
Russian: of course I am darling!
--------------------------
The Russian is planning an extended visit to Brazil someday and has asked me to teach him some Portuguese
I've taught him to say some very important phrases for meeting beautiful women in Brasil
"Posse-te comprar uma bebida? Tenho muito denheiro" - Can I buy you a drink? I have lots of money
"Muito cous lindos nas prias lindas" - Many beautiful bottoms on beautiul beaches
"Sou Canadiano. Quer casar comingo?" - I am Canadian. Would you like to marry me?
He's a very enthusiastic student
-------------------------------------------
The Russian's new Iphone just went off in the office while he was elsewhere and we were entertained for 30 seconds by the Meow-Meow-Meow Mix commercial tune.
Honestly I couldn't make this up if I tried...
Monday, April 20, 2009
Missing the Russian
The Russian is on vacation in Cuba this week.
And while I miss him terribly (especially as I am wearing a very nice low-cut blouse and tight black pencil skirt with heeled boots today he would have absolutely loved) I am comforted by the mental image of him lying on a beach in very small very tight Speedos.
And while I miss him terribly (especially as I am wearing a very nice low-cut blouse and tight black pencil skirt with heeled boots today he would have absolutely loved) I am comforted by the mental image of him lying on a beach in very small very tight Speedos.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
New Feature: Flirting with the BMGG*
BMGG: hey can I borrow a piece of tape?
VR: sure, but it's not really borrowing is it? I mean I won't be getting that piece back.
BMGG: *laughs* true
VR: it's kinda like a condom in that way
BMGG: *laughs* oh I dunno, I could just rinse it out
VR: ewww. no thanks. I know there's an economic downturn going on right now...
BMGG: ...but that's one thing we SHOULD be spending money on, right? *laughing*
* Big Manly Guyanian Guy...*swoon*
VR: sure, but it's not really borrowing is it? I mean I won't be getting that piece back.
BMGG: *laughs* true
VR: it's kinda like a condom in that way
BMGG: *laughs* oh I dunno, I could just rinse it out
VR: ewww. no thanks. I know there's an economic downturn going on right now...
BMGG: ...but that's one thing we SHOULD be spending money on, right? *laughing*
* Big Manly Guyanian Guy...*swoon*
Recruitment Drive 2009
Have severed ties with 2 former members of the Pashmina Mafia. It had to be done. I can suffer only so many fools glady and I have hit my quota for the year.
I Will be accepting resumes for fiesty fun and fearless females sans body-image hangups and non-self-involvement to the point of obsfucation of all and anyone else. Be fab. Be friendly. Be forgiving.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Lunch Interlude
VR: (heating up a frozen pasta lunchable in the micro)
Russian: hmmmm what smells so good? is that you? are you heating up a Michelina?
VR: yes
Russian: you know you have to the dance..."heeeyyyy Michelina!"
VR: you'd like to see me dance wouldn't you? *batts eyelashes*
Russian: Oh yes. *smiles*
VR: I'd like to see YOU do the Pepto Bismol dance myself...
Russian: hmmmm what smells so good? is that you? are you heating up a Michelina?
VR: yes
Russian: you know you have to the dance..."heeeyyyy Michelina!"
VR: you'd like to see me dance wouldn't you? *batts eyelashes*
Russian: Oh yes. *smiles*
VR: I'd like to see YOU do the Pepto Bismol dance myself...
[Originally posted elsewhere June 22, 2007]
Ugh. am sooo tired. Even tho I slept, I had weird tense dreams where I was in this military anti-terriorist SWAT team scouring the city for nuclear devices disguised at packs of brightly coloured Post-Its, yelling at people "don't pick up the post-its!!!". Stupid dream. So I woke up late and didn't do any yoga. Blah. The scale this morning was blase, same old same old. Since I'll be doing a lot walking around today hunting down an espresso machine, and some swimming this weekend (yay!) I guess it will balance itself out. I hope it will balance out. Had another yummy salad for lunch, avocado and tuna on frisse and endive. Num...gah! just noticed I'm out of post-its! how did that happen??
Ugh. am sooo tired. Even tho I slept, I had weird tense dreams where I was in this military anti-terriorist SWAT team scouring the city for nuclear devices disguised at packs of brightly coloured Post-Its, yelling at people "don't pick up the post-its!!!". Stupid dream. So I woke up late and didn't do any yoga. Blah. The scale this morning was blase, same old same old. Since I'll be doing a lot walking around today hunting down an espresso machine, and some swimming this weekend (yay!) I guess it will balance itself out. I hope it will balance out. Had another yummy salad for lunch, avocado and tuna on frisse and endive. Num...gah! just noticed I'm out of post-its! how did that happen??
Diary of a Happy Fat Girl
[Originally posted elsewhere Thursday June 21, 2007]
For reasons unknown body woke up at 5:15 am even though subconscious mind was happily wrapped in the muscly tanned arms of Matthew Maconnahey. Stupid body! So rather than langour in bed I got up and thought I'll pop the Yoga DVD in. Oof. Harder than I thought. Actually broke a sweat. Muscles and sinew are very stiff and uncooperative. But I felt really good, all oxygenated and vital. hmmm must try to do this every morning. Sorry Matty. Also made nice healthyful salad for lunch, which will save me money and make me feel all healthy-smug while co-workers munch greasy burgers and fries...and spicy goat roti. Damn I forgot it's roti day in the resto..fawkah. Well I also packed a yummy strawberry-chocolate biscotti for dessert. A little sweetness goes a long way.
Addendum 930 pm - had two cheeseburgers and 5 cinnamon-bread sticks for dinner. So much for healthy-smug :(
For reasons unknown body woke up at 5:15 am even though subconscious mind was happily wrapped in the muscly tanned arms of Matthew Maconnahey. Stupid body! So rather than langour in bed I got up and thought I'll pop the Yoga DVD in. Oof. Harder than I thought. Actually broke a sweat. Muscles and sinew are very stiff and uncooperative. But I felt really good, all oxygenated and vital. hmmm must try to do this every morning. Sorry Matty. Also made nice healthyful salad for lunch, which will save me money and make me feel all healthy-smug while co-workers munch greasy burgers and fries...and spicy goat roti. Damn I forgot it's roti day in the resto..fawkah. Well I also packed a yummy strawberry-chocolate biscotti for dessert. A little sweetness goes a long way.
Addendum 930 pm - had two cheeseburgers and 5 cinnamon-bread sticks for dinner. So much for healthy-smug :(
Recurring Themes
This is old stuff I posted elsewhere but I have to remind myself if noone else...
Oprah needs to love herself...
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/081209/entertainment/oprah_winfrey_weight
I'm not a big fan of Oprah, but I respect immensely what she has accomplished. This news about her "embarassment" at hitting 200 pounds makes me sad. She sounds to me like she should work more on her self-esteem rather than killing herself trying to lose weight. Maybe her body knows better than she does and it naturally goes to 200 pounds no matter what she does? I'm all for eating healthy and exercising to feel healthier but not for appearances sake. And really who cares, when she looks so great. She has a great bust and a curvacious form! I'd love to fill out a dress like that! Seriously, she should learn to love herself and not apologise for her size. My god she's the most influencial woman on the planet right now! What kind of message does this send to young women and girls struggling with body image? Oprah, and all plus size women, need to look in the mirror and tell ourselves every single day: "YES I AM A BIG WOMAN - I HAVE A BIG HEART AND IT NEEDS A WHOLE LOTTA ROOM!"
Oprah needs to love herself...
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/081209/entertainment/oprah_winfrey_weight
I'm not a big fan of Oprah, but I respect immensely what she has accomplished. This news about her "embarassment" at hitting 200 pounds makes me sad. She sounds to me like she should work more on her self-esteem rather than killing herself trying to lose weight. Maybe her body knows better than she does and it naturally goes to 200 pounds no matter what she does? I'm all for eating healthy and exercising to feel healthier but not for appearances sake. And really who cares, when she looks so great. She has a great bust and a curvacious form! I'd love to fill out a dress like that! Seriously, she should learn to love herself and not apologise for her size. My god she's the most influencial woman on the planet right now! What kind of message does this send to young women and girls struggling with body image? Oprah, and all plus size women, need to look in the mirror and tell ourselves every single day: "YES I AM A BIG WOMAN - I HAVE A BIG HEART AND IT NEEDS A WHOLE LOTTA ROOM!"
Monday, March 2, 2009
Laissez les bonnes temps roulez!
a post-Mardi-Gras Party summary...
I looked “fierce” IMHO.
I arrived already a little shitfaced from pre-drinking. Vodka and seltzer in a water bottle is a lovely bus and subway apperitif.
Was a bit phony-friendly with S when I literally bumped into her at the bar. Hugged and kissed her because I know she HATES that, germs and cooties and all of that.
Groped the Dick in exchange for beads
Dirty danced with a dirty Frenchman
Dirty Frenchman bought me a drink
P bought me a drink
Spilled my drink down P's wife R's back
Licked spilled drink off of R's back. One cannot waste perfectly good alcohol in this economy.
Someone else offered to replace my drink.
Realized it’s very easy to get men to buy me drinks, just ask, and pout, and repay with a kiss.
Nicely kissed (no tongue) B (who was also fairly shitfaced) and he said he missed me. I realized I miss him too.
Very drunk M said she liked me “no matter what anyone says” which made me laugh and realized I am not famous, am infamous. Which I much rather prefer.
I danced.
And danced.
And danced.
Came home alone at 2:30am with a very nice cabbie whose name I couldn't pronounce sober much less 3 sheets to the wind and we talked about the economy.
All else is foogy.
Was a glorious nite.
I looked “fierce” IMHO.
I arrived already a little shitfaced from pre-drinking. Vodka and seltzer in a water bottle is a lovely bus and subway apperitif.
Was a bit phony-friendly with S when I literally bumped into her at the bar. Hugged and kissed her because I know she HATES that, germs and cooties and all of that.
Groped the Dick in exchange for beads
Dirty danced with a dirty Frenchman
Dirty Frenchman bought me a drink
P bought me a drink
Spilled my drink down P's wife R's back
Licked spilled drink off of R's back. One cannot waste perfectly good alcohol in this economy.
Someone else offered to replace my drink.
Realized it’s very easy to get men to buy me drinks, just ask, and pout, and repay with a kiss.
Nicely kissed (no tongue) B (who was also fairly shitfaced) and he said he missed me. I realized I miss him too.
Very drunk M said she liked me “no matter what anyone says” which made me laugh and realized I am not famous, am infamous. Which I much rather prefer.
I danced.
And danced.
And danced.
Came home alone at 2:30am with a very nice cabbie whose name I couldn't pronounce sober much less 3 sheets to the wind and we talked about the economy.
All else is foogy.
Was a glorious nite.
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