Yule Blessings

The sun returns! The light returns!
The earth begins to warm once more!
The time of darkness has passed,
and a path of light begins the new day.
Welcome, welcome, the heat of the sun,
blessing us all with its rays.

The Age of Crass

Welcome Ladies, to the age of crass, where the gentle and subtle arts of seduction are regrettably and irretrievably lost. What passes for love notes these days are quickly dashed off and invariably explicit and misspelled text messages. Where proposing a first meeting over coffee has become code for casual sex. Where the hidden messages in a bouquet of flowers, the secret symbolism of posies and roses, is replaced with a blue jean pocketful of coloured and flavoured latex prophylactics whose not-so-subtle message is abundantly clear. An age where a sincere compliment to a woman’s beauty includes the phrase “junk in the trunk”.

Still, missing you

Message to the Mens

Hair care tips

Russian: I think I will get a haircut today
Me: It's pretty short, are you sure?
Russian: It's a little long around my ears, I don't like it long
Me: C'mere, lemme show you a quick tip on how to determine if you need a haircut or not. Bend down *grabs a handful of his hair*
Russian: uh ow?
Me: see it's too short already. I like a bit more, gives me something to hang on to and pull on
Russian: *blushes* ok and on that note I suddenly have a lot of work to do so I must go!
Me: LOL

Shark infested waters

So I'm on a couple of dating sites these days. Sometimes I get messaged by really really special guys. I like to play with them like a cat does with a mouse before she bites their head off...

Apostolis: Is your IM working?
chillybeach: yeah
Apostolis: lol
Apostolis: Luv your pics
chillybeach: thanks
Apostolis: yw
Apostolis: What r u up to today?
Apostolis: No work?
chillybeach: at work
Apostolis: lol
Apostolis: nice
Apostolis: What do you do?
chillybeach: secretary. and you?
Apostolis: Self employed
Apostolis: Fire and water restoration company
Apostolis: How's your day going?
chillybeach: ok so far. yours?
Apostolis: bored and horny...lol
chillybeach: well then it's a good thing you are at home with that
Apostolis: lol
Apostolis: It would be better if i had someone here with me locked up for 24hrs
Apostolis: ;)
chillybeach: yeah I'm sure you can call one of those numbers at the back of NOW magazine and arrange that
Apostolis: hahahaha
Apostolis: I dont do that
chillybeach: no of course not that would involve paying for it, and why pay when you can try to get it for free on POF right?
Apostolis: Well... I just never had to pay for it.
Apostolis: I think i am attractive to meet girls on my own
chillybeach: yes, but do they all immediately fall into bed with you?
Apostolis: No
Apostolis: I dont just look for that
Apostolis: I need to be wined and dined first....lmao
chillybeach: ah you're so special
Apostolis: lol
Apostolis: just kidding babe
Apostolis: I am just me
Apostolis: Happy go lucky kind of guy
chillybeach: uh huh. so what's your story? married and bored? recently dumped? or the too-busy-with-my-career type?
Apostolis: LMAO
Apostolis: Married and bored
Apostolis: How about you?
chillybeach: single, never married, and want to stay that way
Apostolis: Good girl
Apostolis: Your the best
chillybeach: yeah so I can fuck all the married guys who aren't getting any from thier wives
Apostolis: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAH
Apostolis: I like u
Apostolis: *** You've been SMACKED! ***
Apostolis: Sooooo funny
Apostolis: i am still hard by the way
Apostolis: lol
chillybeach: well that's a tough situation to be in
Apostolis: Tell me about it
Apostolis: When is your lunch break...lol
chillybeach: you gonna wine and dine me?
Apostolis: Sure
chillybeach: lol then 69 me?
Apostolis: mmmmmmmm
Apostolis: Now i am HARD
Apostolis: ER
Apostolis: What's your fav. Position?
chillybeach: starfish
Apostolis: ??????
Apostolis: Explain
chillybeach: well, since my back surgery i can't do too many acrobatics, so I kinda just lay there. it's ok tho the bars holding my spine together will be coming out soon and i may be able to to try something else
Apostolis: Oh
Apostolis: starfish it is then
Apostolis: How do you work then?
Apostolis: Arent you in pain?
chillybeach: they ordered a special chair for me, they've been really good to me here.
chillybeach: i take alot of meds
Apostolis: wow
Apostolis: Is it hard to have sex?
chillybeach: i haven't had it since the car accident, so i don't know. you'll have to be gentle lol
Apostolis: lol
Apostolis: How long has it been?
chillybeach: 14 months. they thought i'd never walk again, ha! not only am i gonna walk i'm gonna fuck again! woot!
Apostolis: lmao
Apostolis: Good for you
Apostolis: I'll be your first
Apostolis: lol
chillybeach: well so long as you don't mind a little bit of pus that sometimes leaks out of the holes where the bars are. maybe use old sheets?
Apostolis: Your pulling my leg now
Apostolis: Thats not funny
chillybeach: no. it's part of the fixator that holds my head steady...some poke through
Apostolis: And you can go to work like that?
chillybeach: and ride the bus too! everyone here is used to it by now. they joke that they can get better reception on the TV when I'm around, lol
Apostolis: Wow
Apostolis: How do you get around?
chillybeach: lol slowly. I use a couple of canes, the legs are still a little wonky
Apostolis: I dont think fucking is a good option for you right now....


I love how he was all gung-ho until the pus part, LMAO

Shoe Fetish

This morning as I'm walking to work, the Russian sidles up behind me...

Russian: I like your shoes (am wearing brown leather high heeled peep-toe shoes for those interested)
Me: do you want to wear them?
Russian: lol no. I just like them and how you walk in them... click click click... I suppose you can't run in them tho
Me: Oh I can, it just depends who I'm running after *wink*
Russian: or running away from? *smirk*
Me: eggzachary

My Musical Hobby

I've decided to compile a set of CDs with "sex" or sexy music, grouped into different categories such as Sacred Sex, Dirty Sex, etc. etc.

Here's a short list so far

Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Undenied - Portishead
Afterglow - Garbage
Milk - Garbage
Glory Box - Portishead
Criminal - Fiona Apple
Wicked Game - Chris Isaak
#1 Crush - Garbage
You Look So Fine - Garbage
Music to F**k To - Portishead
Sex On Fire - Kings of Leon
I Like It Rough - Lady Gaga
Blue Orchid - White Stripes
Closer - Nine Inch Nails
Money Honey - Lady Gaga
Chocolate - Kylie Minogue

New Music

I love this band, the singer sounds very much like Johnette Napolitano of Concrete Blonde.

Happy Halloween!

Am going to the Annual Halloween Party as Cleopatra. Will likely freeze my tush right off. Will post pictures at a later date.

Piece of Relationship Advice # 56289

Never Never Never ask the "how many people have you slept with before me" question, because:

a) you will not like the answer no matter what it is

b) your partner will round the number down and you will suspect this and this will lead to you rounding up the number exponentially in your own mind

c) if the number is too big (relatively speaking to what you yourself consider too big) you'll think of them as a slut/manwhore; conversely if the number is too small (again relative) you'll wonder wtf is wrong with them and how long/soon you will find out what that is for yourself

d) you'll get competitve, and be tempted to immediately work towards matching your comparatively small number with their much greater number

e) you'll eventually ask (at a later time, such as right after sex when the logical mind is vulnerable and weak) how you compare or rank and then be grossly dissapointed when he/she says you are only the 2nd best he's/she's ever had

f) all of the above

so if you are truly curious, do yourself a favour: just pick a number between 1 and 100, assume that's the number your partner has been with (or ok if you insist, continue to believe that they were totally celibate before meeting you, The One) make peace with it and move on. Seriously. Insert rolling eyes here.

Glitter and Hope

While listening to the entertainment news on the radio this morning I heard that Mariah Carey is indeed pregnant. She is also 41. Which, although I have long made peace with the very real possibility that I will never marry and have children myself, gave me a bit of hope. Much like someone hanging off the edge of a precipice feels when their hands get a little more purchase on the ledge one is hanging off of.

I am 38 and single, not dating seriously. I have a good job and recently bought a condo, I have some savings and all around am rather set in my ways. I have always been what my mother calls "too independent for my own good." As a child and teen I have always thought my life as an adult would be filled with adventure, travel, affairs and short-lived romantic liaisons. I was never one of those girls who imagined her wedding or thought up names for my children. And I thought I would be happy. But there is a part of me that actually would like to find someone to marry, buy a little house and have a few children with. But as the years progressed and no such person presented themselves in my life, I have settled for "just me" and conceded to the biological fact that it becomes increasingly more difficult to concieve and maintain a pregnancy past the age of 35.

And yet whenever I hear of a woman, like Mariah - career-driven and too independent for her own good - miraculously finding a soulmate and even more miraculously getting pregnant, I can't help but think it is not yet too late for me as well. The only question is, how much do I want it and am I willing to actively pursue it to its end.

The answer may be the scariest thing I ever admit to myself.

He'd look good in Hugo Boss actually

in the kitchen with the Russian getting the Breakfast Club stuff ready...

Russian: start toasting the bread
Me: Pardon me?
Russian: I'll say it slower: Start... Toasting.... Bread...
Me: I heard you, I was waiting for the Please and Thank you. I don't take orders from you yanno
Russian: only on the website? *smirk*
Me: No, only when you wear your Herr Flick Gestapo outfit, which you seem to have forgotten this morning
Russian: My whip and tall boots are in the shop
Me: no worries I'll bring in my riding crop tomorrow

A Little Condiment Goes a Long Way

I've been bringing into the office some homemade pear jam for our breakfasts, but it seems the Russian preferrs raspberry...

Me: this little bit of jam is lasting a while, we should finish it up so I can bring some more
Russian: I've been eating the raspberry jam, I like the way it tastes with peanut butter better
Me: yes, thank you I am well aware of your preference and it's ok I no longer see it as a personal affront to me and my culinary skill
Russian: No no, I like your jam, but just prefer this other one sometimes. We should never let jam come between us
Me: oh I don't know, a little jam between us might be a wonderful thing...
Russian: *eye roll*

A Website?

Russian: you need to seriously consider this website idea. I have a friend who has experience with this and could design a site for you. I know you have a mortgage now...
Me: get thee behind me satan and pass the ketchup there...thanks
Russian: ... maybe set up a web cam...
Me: you've been giving this an awful lot of thought, I don't know whether to be flattered or totally creeped out
Russian: be flattered.
Me: Maybe YOU should have the website. You could wear that best man tuxedo from that wedding you went to last weekend and lick spoons for money...call it SexyRussianLic ksSpoons.com. I'd pay to see that.
Russian: SexyRussianLic ksSpoonsInATux edoAndSpeedos. com?
Me: see? it practically writes itself.

Shit My Russian Says: an idea

Russian: I see you are wearing your dominatrix boots today
Me: I wore them just for you
Russian: you're too kind. Have you ever thought of having your own website?
Me: no, but obviously you have. How do you know I don't already have one?
Russian: you don't. I googled you
Me: and you didn't even buy me dinner first, tsk tsk...

Single

So now am the only remaining member of the Pashmina Mafia whose adventures now consist of late nights in fron of the TV watching Jersy Shore and eating ice cream. This must change. But finding gals one can let loose with and have fun and be sure nothing said or done will come back to haunt me is difficult if not near impossible. A few candidates look promising - the Gypsy, Lulu, Big Red - but travelling distance makes frequent debauchery hard to schedule. Also debauchery on a shoe-string post-condo purchasing budget is hard to indulge in. *Le Sigh* It's going to be a long boring winter.

Shit My Russian Says

Me: *poking at my Lean Cuisine Mango curry chicken*
Russian: Don't just play with it, eat it
Me: I'll bet you say that to all the girls...

Googled

Russian: I see you are wearing your dominatrix boots today
Me: I wore them just for you
Russian: you're too kind. Have you ever thought of having your own website?
Me: no, but obviously you have. How do you know I don't already have one?
Russian: you don't. I googled you
Me: and you didn't even buy me dinner first, tsk tsk...