The Russian Moves In!

well, not quite..

I return to my desk to see the Russian there, in my seat...

Russian: Oh hello. sorry I was just borrowing your stapler here. Your desk is very cosy, like home away from home
Me: And here I thought you had finally decided to move in
Russian: would you want me to move in with you?
Me: Mi casa es su casa
Russian: oh and me without my suitcase!

another weird dream

Dreamt I was in the ladies room of some big chinese restaurant. This very pretty asian girl comes in and we start chatting, then her little sister comes in looking for her and her older sister starts playing with her hair and says "look she's as pretty as a geisha" to which the little sister makes a face and says she would never ever be a geisha, and the older one looks at me and winks, and I tell her when I was her age I wanted so much to be geisha, me, this big ugly "gaijin" from the west. They laugh and say "look in the mirror" but there isn't one in the bathroom. And I wanted to wash my hands but the sinks are filled with food and I end up getting water and soap in a fish dish and make a mental note not to eat that one.

Then they invite me to dinner with them, so I follow them outside and at the table are all these smart handsome men, and Colin Firth (who I absolutely love, hello!) and they are sitting or slumping in their chairs rather, eating Dim Sum in this nearly empty restaurant, chatting and laughing. The only empty seat is one at the table but in front of Colin Firth who has his leg stretched behind and under my chair (wearing a very nice pair of Italian leather shoes too) and I keep saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" as I try to squeeze my big butt between people and into the seat. They are all talking about history and politics and Colin smiles at me but all I can think about is how rickety the chair is and that it's going to break and collapse under my weight and I'll fall onto Colin Firth's feet and his nice Italian shoes and maybe break his leg and I'll be so embarassed...and then they ask me my opinion on the Canadian standpoint on the war in Iraq as it relates to Canada's historical standpoint in wars, all looking at me to answer....and I woke up.

That's it. I've decided I HAVE to lose weight cuz I may someday meet Colin Firth or someone else I admire and the last thing I want to be obsessed about is how they see me. Or that I may fall on them and break thier legs or at the very least ruin their shoes.

New Year's Resolutions: Work in Progress

1. Update this blog more frequently.

... will add more as I think of them

More Flirting with the Russian

Me: Owie my neck is stiff, I need a massage
Russian: oh come here *gives a half-assed massage with poking*
Me: Phooey you need to brush up on your skillz yo
Russian: well, I've never had a massage before. Well not a professional one anyway
Me: happy ending?
Russian: of course!

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Russian: *bops past my desk with his IPod blaring*
Me: hey you what are you listening to?
Russian: *very very loud* ACE OF BASE!
Me: yikes ok ok turn it down a notch, eh?
Russian: sorry, it's Ace of Base, *sings* I'm in love with another fool..
Me: yeah, I kinda know what that feels like...

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Russian: I just wanted to let you know I'll be away from the office Friday.
Me: Thank you for the forewarning, I'll try not to miss you too much
Russian: AND you were away yesterday, I missed you. WHAT THE HELL?
Me: sorry, I had to take a vacation day. I posted a note at my desk tho
Russian: you should have said something. I think I deserve that much
Me: Well if I had your home phone number I could have called you sunday night to let you know
Russian: oh no, no no no...
Me: lol I take it the Significant Other would not approve?

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Me: *bumps into Russian at the nearby mall at lunchtime*
Russian: hey what are you doing here?
Me: *slips arm in his and snuggles close* spending YOUR money?
Russian: LOL

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The Russian got a birthday Oh Henry bar he shared with us at break time...

Me: ah that's nice. We should stick a candle in it and you can blow it out
Russian: you want me to stick what in the where?

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the Russian sometimes has trouble with English idioms...

Me: where'd you get that chocolate bar?
Russian: Carol gave it to me
Me: wow, between her chocolate and my zuchinni nut bread you're going to be a nice plump christmas goose by Christmas
Carol: yeah we're going to butterball him up!
Russian: what? you want to butter my ball? i don't understand...

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The Russian just got back from a lunchtime visit to PJ Pet store...

Russian: look!
*dangles a fake furry squeek mouse on a string in front of me*
Me: very cute. is that for your kitty?
Russian: yes, i hope she will like it
*continues to bounce it in front of me*
Me: what? you want me to play with it? oh ok.
*bats hand at the toy*
Russian: meow meow meow hehehe

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Standing on the escalator together this afternoon...

Russian: *missteps and nearly falls backwards on me* WHOOPS!
Me: Are you falling for me hun? lol
Russian: of course I am darling!

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The Russian is planning an extended visit to Brazil someday and has asked me to teach him some Portuguese

I've taught him to say some very important phrases for meeting beautiful women in Brasil

"Posse-te comprar uma bebida? Tenho muito denheiro" - Can I buy you a drink? I have lots of money

"Muito cous lindos nas prias lindas" - Many beautiful bottoms on beautiul beaches

"Sou Canadiano. Quer casar comingo?" - I am Canadian. Would you like to marry me?

He's a very enthusiastic student

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The Russian's new Iphone just went off in the office while he was elsewhere and we were entertained for 30 seconds by the Meow-Meow-Meow Mix commercial tune.

Honestly I couldn't make this up if I tried...