Flirting with the Russian

At my work there is a charming, clever and uncomfortably good-looking young man who henceforth (to protect his identity and my modesty) will be known simply as The Russian.
We have a flirtatious exchange at least once a week. It is my firm intention in these exchanges to make him blush. He colours such a nice shade of pink, I can't begin to describe. He is attached, in case you are wondering why I do not just pounce on him already. It is all innocent and in good albeit not-so-clean fun.

Here are few choice exchanges from recent memory...

November 16th

A fellow co-worker (G) spills the beans about The Russian's birthday

VR: A little birdie told me today is your birthday
R: A little spanish birdie i suppose?
VR: She's told me to invite you to lunch, our treat
R: Free lunch? but of course
VR: So how old are you today?
R: 22
VR: You lie
R: It's true! It's been true for the last 10 years in fact
VR: Well I feel awful now, all this time I've been attempting to rob a cradle
R: What is this? You have such strange sayings....
VR: Nevermind that. Are you familiar with our Western tradition of Birthday Spankings?
R: No, but I have a feeling you are going to teach me this tradition
VR: *smiles*

and later, walking to the restaurant with G in tow...

VR: So G, R says he's only 22 today
G: Really?
R: It's true, but I'm not growing anymore
VR: Oh I'm sure you grow in other areas
G: *laughing*

December 13th

Day of our after-work Staff Christmas Party...
VR: So are you coming to the party tonight? it will be lots of fun...
R: no, no. i can't.
VR: Why not? just come for a drink..
R: No, i have to be home at a certain time
VR: She keeps you on a short leash, doesn't she?
R: What does this mean, leash?
VR: you know like a dog...
R: Oh that's only in the bedroom *wink*

December 16th

R: *reacting to a scantily clad, buff angel a co-worker put up on her Facebook profile* That's what she finds attractive?
VR: Some people do
R: he's very hairless
VR: Yes. I prefer a hairy chest myself, it's beastly
R: Pardon?
VR: Beastly. you know...Rawr!
R: oh well then *pulls neck of t-shirt down a bit to afford me a glance* RAWR!
VR: *blushes furiously*

December 21st

R: Look, I got a haircut at lunch today
VR: oohh looks nice. can i run my fingers through it?
R: but of course (bends over profferring his head)
VR: *giggle* very nice they did a very good job
R: I hope so, it was expensive enough. Honestly for $40 I expected a blow job at the end of it
VR: *eyes widen* that would be very festive
R: oh? how?
VR:well they could tie a red bow on it when they are done...
R: *Laughs*

December 22nd

We received our annual holiday gift baskets from the company, I opened mine and left it at my desk. The next day...
R: *inspecting items in my Christmas basket* Oh this is nice...what's this...oh that's interesting...
VR: why are you inspecting my items?
R: because I took mine home already and you've already opened yours
VR: I am feeling a little uncomfortable with you standing there inspecting my things
R: well, darling if it would make you feel better you can come home with me tonight and inspect my things
VR: EEP!

January 4th

the 8:30 to 4:30 crew just left and a lovely silence descends. I walk past Russian's desk and said to him..

VR: wow it got so quiet, amazing difference the absence of one or two people makes.
R: I can be loud too
VR: Really?" *smirk*
R:*blush, smirks* well what's the point of holding it in?
VR: especially when you are having so much fun

January 7th

far too early in the day or week for it...

VR: I thought you were taking the day off today since it's your christmas?
R: No, I'd have to take it as a Vacation day, I don't want to.
VR: But it's your christmas. We get the day off, so should you. That's not fair.
R: Life's not fair.
VR: yeah, you have to just put up and shut up
R: Put out?
VR: no, put up...
R: I'd rather put out
VR: I know dear, but it's a little early
R: Oh I like it early...
VR: yes, let me have my coffee first, hmm?

January 9th

Russian bought a new phone and is experimenting with all the ring tones...

R: this one is called "disco"*music*
R: and this one is called "slow groove"*music*
VR: wow, so when someone calls you it sounds like there's a party in your pants
R: Oh behave!
VR: hey put it on vibrate, put it in your pocket and let me call you...
R: *laugh*

January 10th

Russian comes back from the kitchen with a satisfied smile on his face....

VR: did you just eat a canary?
R: pardon?
VR: you have a big smile on your face, like the cat that ate the canary...
R: no, I ate a piece of fudge..I've never heard of this saying. And my cats do not eat canaries
VR: I suppose your cats eat caviar?
R: all my pussies deserve caviar...

February 15th

day after valentine's day...

VR: So what did you get your sweetie for valentine's day
R: A Dyson Vacuum cleaner
VR: *deadpan* wow. how romantic.
R: it was! they are the Porshe of vacuum cleaners!
VR: really?
R: and...they never lose their suction*winks*...

April 2nd

R: *handing me a stack of papers* sorry to be giving you work
VR: could be worse. you could be giving me VD

May 2nd

Russian walks by my desk with his afternoon snack fixings..a couple of slices of whole wheat bread and big jar of Nutella spread (for those of you don't know it's a delicious hazelnut-chocolate spread loved my European children and kinksters the world over)

R: *sotto voce* want to join me?
VR: *blush* ahhhhh...hmmm
R: c'mon I'll make one for you and one for me
VR: *blush* *stammer* *cough*
R: what why are you blushing? it's just nutella. don't tell me you are on some stupid diet?
VR: no, no...it's..you don't understand
R: c'mon it's gooood...
VR: no *gets very warm* you don't understand. I have nutella at home. But I don't put it on bread.
*pause*
*pause*
R: *blushes* *laughs* well now you HAVE to come with me..

May 8th

As I was chatting with G (a.k.a the Russian's Work-Spouse) about something, the Russian felt compelled to sidle over and interrupt...

R: Are you in love?
VR: Pardon??
R: Are you in love? is there a special new man in your life?
G: Why the hell are you asking that!?
R: Because for the last while she has a certain glow and is happy and she is dressing so nice...
G: *motions to the tiny bit of exposed cleavage under my zipped-up jacket* HUH. yeah you know where he's looking!
VR:*zips jacket a bit more closed* You really shouldn't say those things to me in front of her you know how jealous she gets! *laugh*
R: but it's true, you have this nice glow like someone in love
G: maybe she is *winks* or maybe it's just the tan from her trip to Cuba
VR: *blushes* Yes, I'm in love with life, I'm in love with spring...
R & G: *roll their eyes*
VR: LOL no, there's no one right now. Don't you have some nice single Russian friends you can introduce me to?
R: oh no...
G: HA! No he wants you all to himself!
VR: hah oh well thank you for the compliment sweetie
R: you're welcome darling *sticks tongue out at G*

May 21st

R: you're not staying late again are you?
VR: yeah. I don't have a Russian waiting for me at home, I might as well stay and get some work finished
R: you need to look around, this city is a meat market
VR: oh really? where specifically?
R: downtown
VR: I don't think I would like the "meat" available downtown...
R: *laughs* ok i'm going
VR: yes, go home and wait for me, Ii should be home in an hour or so, you can cook me something...
R: *laughs* goodnite!


He's so damn cute!

Weekend Plans

Blah. Seems the weather will not be so great this weekend, cloudy and rainy. So I am planning on having a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Film Festival. Have borrowed the dvds of the first four seasons of BtVS from my dear friend Bexx and will settle in with snacks and drinks and pretend I am in my 20's again. I wonder what drinking game I should play? And yes I will be alone. Because the angst of Buffy and Angel's love always makes me sniffle and I don't cry in front of my friends. It's one thing to do that in your naive 20's and quite a whole other thing to still be doing that in your jaded 30's. *sigh* oh Angelus!

A Kiss May Be Grand....

I am in love with lipgloss. Sparkly, yummy flavours, smoothing and emmollient and last a surprisingly long time, with just a hint of colour. I used to think they were only for teens and twittery twenty-somethings, and I used to relish the whole slightly erotic ritual of reapplying a dark red lipstick, but I find myself reaching for my glosses more and more these days. I usually carry 3 or 4 in my purse and can't resist buying them whenever I see a new brand. Am loving specifically Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush lipglosses right now. They are very lickable, and I'm not the only one who thinks so *smiles*.

Biannual Personal Inventory

Every so often I take stock of my life, a sort of Spring Cleaning of my personal stuff. I decide what to keep and what to let go in terms of friends and acquaintances, habits, beliefs and thoughts.

This season I am letting go of the following:

• toxic relationships
• people who take me for granted
• people who bore me
• the idea that I will never be good enough. I am good enough.
• the idea that I have to clean my apartment every weekend as though my mother will suddenly drop by and do a white-gloved spot inspection.
• the habit of sleeping in. So much can be accomplished for myself in the early hours before my day is handed over to others
• the habit of getting home and sitting catatonic in front of the TV until bedtime. It is the ultimate waste of my precious time
• that I have to exercise everyday. Some days I may not feel like it, and that is Ok
• the belief that everyone's opinion has validity. It doesn't. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and everyone's stinks. Just because the person voicing their opinion thinks they are smarter than everyone else doesn't necessarily make it so.

I think that is a good start.

Advice to real men

It is possible that some women have been burned so badly when they took the risk in the past to believe a man or believe in love and now feel they can't, or that taking the risk again is not worth the pain. Learned behavior that is hard to shake.

And since there are no longer dragons to slay, what proof can a woman ask of a man? what actions rather than just words can a woman believe? we are told conflicting things by countless magazines and books advising how to handle, maneuvre and manipulate a budding relationship into what we think we need and want, only to have everyting turned upside down, the man lies or leaves or is unfaithful or we realize too late that we are unhappy.

We are as confused as you are. Our instincts are blunt and worn down by cynicism, and we think we want what movies and faded memories of fairy tales tell us to want from love, from a man, from a relationship.

Be patient and slay the dragons as they arise in our minds.