Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Argentine

Erotica (c)2010

“The one who loves you will make you weep.” – Argentine Proverb

The rope is soft and though it is tight it does not cut my skin. I can feel the blood pounding in my fingertips; it’s rhythm like a metronome as the seconds tick by. The knots are firm and true; I imagine they were learned in your years on the ranches on the Pampas herding cattle. I won’t test their strength, I trust them. My bound hands lie palm-side up casually across my bare back as I am curled on the floor into what my yoga teacher would call Child’s Pose. My forehead rests on the carpet, its hand-knotted pattern easing a tattoo impression on the skin there and on my knees. My breathing is slow, trance-like, the barest filling and emptying of lungs. I can smell the dry wool of the carpet, the years of dirt imbedded there. I hear your steps coming closer walking across the hardwood floor and I shut my eyes tightly. I breathe in your scent, a mix of chicory-heavy coffee, your beloved Palomino and your favourite cigars.

I feel you walk behind me and gently readjust my hips, lightly pressing warm fingers to skin to lift and angle them higher. I silently chastise myself for not automatically positioning myself this way, but how could I have known? Still, I relish the brief touch, the tiniest tenderness. You ease the tip of your black leather Italian-made shoes between my knees signaling me to space them wider, wider still. And though the muscles in my thighs begin to burn in this uncomfortable stance, the dull ache is forgotten when I feel the smooth leather of your shoe caress my inner thighs. Satisfied with the position I am now in you move away, displaced by air and emptiness.

A cool draught in the room licks at the growing humidity between my legs. It makes me shiver. Absentmindedly I hope I do not wet your expensive Persian carpet. I hear the muffled click of a latch on a case opening. Somewhere, perhaps in another room, perhaps for other ears, Debussy’s Clair de Lune plays. You click the case closed and step back to me kneeled and curled in the centre of the room. Silent as nightfall I feel you standing near me, looking at me, observing; I can feel a slight shimmer of heat coming from your body. You stand so quiet and motionless, the calm centre of this tempest in which I have placed myself.

You touch my shoulder with the tip of your riding crop, the one your father gave to you after you had successfully broken your first wild horse at the age of fourteen. It is old yet sturdy, the leather tip soft as a smooth fingertip travelling my skin. Down to lower back, across my arms twined there, to the trembling curve of my hip. The expectation is almost more painful than the blow. Almost.

I hear the sharp slap a second before I feel the sting. The suddenness forces the breath out of me in a rushing gasping exhale. I barely have time to register the sensation, quantify it and record it in memory when it is followed by another, then another and more in quick and fluid succession. My body jolts with every strike. My forehead rubbed raw, chaffing against the textured carpet. The skin on my buttocks and thighs is alight, and I am trembling uncontrollably; mewling, moaning and undulating like a cat in heat or a felled jaguar dying in the rainforest. I have forgotten my language and can merely grunt and gasp softly. I wouldn’t know how to beg for reprieve in Spanish even if I wanted it.

I realize the taste of blood in my mouth and believe I have bitten through my lip. The blows continue in staccato, measured and precise, yet I am unable to predict neither their intensity nor their placement on my body. Far, far away Clair de Lune continues softly, gently. When my tears come and my breathing is ragged and burning in my throat, you stop. My entire body trembles like little earthquakes. My tears puddle on the carpet beneath my face. Through the haze I can feel your deft fingers untying the rope around my wrists, the knots unfurling and sliding easy as whispers. My hands slide and fall limply to the floor on either side of me, nearly numb and useless. Yet it is when I try to raise myself, to make the small movements to get up, that you grasp my hips from behind and plunge into me, grinding your still-trousered thighs against my red and tender ones. I know you want me to scream, to cry out, but I have no sounds left, no protestations; this last cruelty seems the natural end to my torment this night. Each thrust reminds me where I am marked by you and I welcome it, savour it like remembered sweetness. For this how I know you love me, reaching down and slipping down into the dark with me.

After you cum, you pull down a rough saddle blanket from the nearby couch and wrap me in it, tenderly tucking the fabric around me, the prickling wool around my chin. You lay next to me on the carpet, holding me, your fingers brush away the last vestiges of tears from my face. “Querida,” you say, your first words to me all evening. “Muy buen.” You lightly kiss my eyelids, I feel your smile stretch against my cheek and I know you are pleased.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Watching You

(C)2014

The first time I saw her I was absentmindedly staring out my office window trying and failing to pay attention to the conference call from Chicago. I caught a glimpse of her in the office window across the street, walking across the room and untying the black trench coat slowly with every step, letting it slip to the floor once she reached the desk. Even at a distance I could tell she was beautiful, exotic, and her body in the black lace lingerie she was wearing underneath the discarded coat was amazing; perfect full breasts, soft curves and valleys. I was instantly hard. I got up from my desk and went to my window hoping to get a better look. After all, this sort of thing doesn't happen everyday and I had a perfect view. I saw her approach the window behind the guy at the desk and slowly close the blinds, but not before she noticed me staring and, I could have sworn, smiled at me.

"Jack? Jack you there?" I distantly heard the nasally voice of my VP on the phone from Chicago through the thudding in my head. Shit, what the hell was he talking about?

"Yeah, yeah I'm just looking for some paperwork on that, umm...thing." I shuffled some papers while my mind raced to remember what we were discussing, but I couldn't get the image of that woman out of mind. And that delicious smile just before she shut the blinds. That lucky bastard, I though, wish I was there instead of here.

I thought about her on and off for the rest of the week, imagining what happened after she shut the blinds. I imagined how she kissed him and how she tasted, how she touched him; wondering if she knelt before him and took him into her soft wet mouth. Every night when I got home after work I was always so hard I had to jerk off a couple of times before being able to sleep. And yet I still dreamed about her; those eyes, that mouth, dreamt of her coming to my office in the middle of the day, touching me, licking me...she was a ghost I looked forward to being haunted by every night.

A few weeks passed before I saw her in the other man's office again. I quickly called my secretary and told her to hold all my calls and that I didn't want to be disturbed. I went to the window and watched, hoping against logic that maybe this time she would forget to close the blinds. As she crossed the room to approach his desk she untied the belt on her trench coat and let it fall to the floor. This time she was wearing a soft baby pink bra and panties with pale pink stockings trimmed with large black bows at the tops of the thighs, like a present I wanted to tear into. She stood before the man, casually resting her weight on one leg while her hand trailed up her thigh, tracing the edge of the panties at her hip, then across her stomach and softly slowly tracing the skin between her breasts. I was breathing heavy and my cock was straining against my pants. Meanwhile the man just sat there. How could he just sit there?! If it were me I would have grabbed her and thrown her across the desk by now, I thought to myself. She crossed behind his chair toward the window and I realized with a dull ache of disappointment in my chest that she was going to close the blinds.

But she didn't.

She looked at me across the way and smiled slyly then cocked her head to the side as if to say "you like to watch?" I nodded and rubbed the bulging crotch of my pants, not caring if anyone was watching me watching her. She walked back in front of the man in the chair, keeping her eyes locked on mine for a few seconds before grasping the man's head with both hands and bending down to kiss him deeply. His hands grasped at and squeezed her breasts, then wrapped around her waist and down her lower back, grabbing a squeezing her firm round ass, pressing her pelvis down toward his lap. I was in hell, wanting her in my lap, the jealously ripping through me at the same time as the uncontrollable desire to keep watching her with the other man. She straddled his lap and began swirling her hips, grinding on him, brushing her breasts against his chest, the tops of her breasts across his face, and he buried his mouth in the pink flesh, licking and biting gently. When he started to undo the clasp of her bra, she twisted her head my way and smiled again, licked her lips, winked and blew me a kiss. God, I thought, I have to meet this woman.

Just then the man noticed the blinds were not closed and made a move to close them. I quickly swiveled in my chair turning my back to the window as though I had been sitting that way all along, hoping he hadn't seen me. After a few moments had passed I turned my head and sure enough the blinds were now securely shut. Cursing the bastard in the other office I grabbed some tissues and finished myself off under my desk so that I could finally get some work done. But I resolved to find out where the bastard worked and to steal that woman for myself someday.

I took the next day off work and camped out most of the early morning in the lobby of the building across the street. Peering from behind a newspaper I watched countless people come in until I finally saw him. Keeping a safe distance in case he recognized me as well I followed him up in the elevator and made a mental note of the floor number he pressed and pressed the floor number just above his. When he got out I cautiously peered out after him heard him greet the receptionist and heard her say "good morning Mr. Parkman" before the elevator doors shut. Parkman. I rode the elevator all the way up and back down to the lobby again. I pieced together a plausible story to use when I would finally go to his office, a reason at the very least to be waiting outside his office, waiting for her to come out the next time she visited him.

Agonizing weeks passed, weeks of watching Parkman's office everyday like a starving hawk, hoping she would come. Finally on a crisp autumn morning I saw his office door open and she was standing there wearing the coat, some knee-length black leather heeled boots and matching leather gloves. I grabbed my jacket and bolted out of my office blurting something about an emergency to my secretary, and ran for the elevator. I sprinted across the street and took the elevator up to Parkman's floor. I tried to slow my breathing on the ride up and to remember the story I had come up with to tell Parkman's secretary. I realized though that I hadn't thought of what I was going to say to the woman when she left Parkman's office, all I could think about was what she may have been doing right at that moment.

To my surprise Parkman's secretary was not at her desk. I crept across the floor to plant my ear on Parkman's door. Sure enough I could hear very faintly the sounds of masculine moans and feminine whimpers of pleasure. I tried to keep an eye on the hallways to see if Parkman's secretary would return while straining to listen for more. But the secretary never came. Smart girl, she knew the drill. Inside the office I heard, finally, the climaxing Parkman and the sigh of the woman. I wished more then anything I had ever wished for in my life to be Parkman right at that moment. I then heard shuffling and some incoherent talking, but just before I left my place at the door I heard Parkman ask her plaintively "When will I see you again?"

She merely replied: "Soon, baby. Soon."

The words hung in the air like a promise or a threat. For what was 'soon'? A week? A month? My gut wrenched at the idea that I wouldn't see her again for yet another few weeks or even months. I had to make my move now. When I heard her approach the door saying her goodbyes I scrambled to the seating area and sat in the chair furthest from the door, pretending to be engrossed in an article in some year-old corporate magazine. As she emerged alone (Parkman couldn't even be bothered to walk her out, the ass) and walked past me I could smell her, the sweet smoky scent, an intoxication mixture of sex, sweat and vanilla. And then she stopped and turned right in front of me.

"Hello," she purred and smiled that wicked knowing grin I had been dreaming about for weeks. She knew perfectly well who I was and what I was doing there.

"Hello," I finally managed to stutter.

"So we should go get a coffee and have a chat, yes?" she said and winked.

Her voice was like honey and whiskey, wrapping me in sweet burning warmth. I was dumbfounded. Was it really going to be this easy? Was my ghost finally going become warm quivering flesh in my arms? She held out her hand, the fingertips painted the same pink shade as her lingerie she wore the last time I saw her through the window, waiting for my handshake. I took her hand, got up and followed her. I would have followed her anywhere.

We were alone on the elevator ride down and she took advantage of this to press herself against me, sighing. I was getting drunk on her smell and pressing myself back on her. I wanted to tear the coat off her right there, pick her up and wrap her legs around me, but could only rub her back discretely. In a small movement she brushed her hand against my crotch, lingered there, and rubbed my hard-on gingerly, driving me crazy. She tilted her heart-shaped face up towards mine and not so much kissed me as stole a breath from me, lips just barely touching mine, her warm peppermint-flavored breath lingering on my lips. The elevator doors opened and, dazed, I stumbled after her as her heels clicked across the marble tiles of the lobby floor and out the door into the cool autumn afternoon.

I took her to lunch at the best restaurant in the neighborhood. She ate her angel-hair pasta and scallops heartily; I suppose she had worked up an appetite that morning after all. I loved watching her twirl her pasta like a born and bred Italian and wrap her pink lips and tongue around every forkful, licking sauce from her lips and savoring it all, gulping rich mouthfuls of red wine. Knowing that under her trench coat (that she firmly refused to give over to both the confused coat-check girl and waiter when she sat down) she was most likely wearing the loveliest laciest lingerie, or possibly nothing at all, kept me from eating. I couldn't concentrate on anything but watching her and hoping for a glimpse of whatever was beneath her coat. After lunch we stepped outside and I handed her my business card, after scrawling my home number and address on the back. She smiled as she took the card from me, slipped it into her pocket, stood up on her toes and kissed me pertly. She waved down a cab but before she got in I asked when I would see her again.

"Soon baby. Soon." She replied and the cab drove off down the busy street.

I never know when she will appear at my office door. Sometimes a whole month goes by and I can sense a dull ache growing in me as the days pass. I drive myself crazy wondering if she visits other offices, fucks other men with the blinds purposely left open, inviting. And just as I am near a crazed jealous rage she appears in my doorway wearing her trench coat and a smile that speaks more than we ever do. She wears new lingerie every time, sometimes something sweet and demure in white or pink or pale blue with lace or frothy chiffon. Sometimes she wears something black or red or purple in leather with straps, buckles and studs that poke and pierce me, not unpleasantly, when we fuck. I drink her smell, lick her skin, grasp at her body and mold her curves with my hands, coax the wetness between her legs with frenzied fingers, moves that leave us gasping and spent, moments that seem to last a lifetime but somehow take less time than my secretary's lunch break. Sometimes she just slips in while I am on the phone, slips off the trench coat, kneels down in front of me and takes me into her mouth. Of course she always closes the blinds.

Erotica (C)2014

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

I'm reading back all my introductory sent messages on dating sites I belong to, crafted and finely honed initial messages to men I found interesting or cute enough to contact. Normally I play coy and wait for them to notice I noticed them and wait for their message to me. But to be more proactive I read their profiles and glean something, some kernel of fun or funny or interesting information with which to contact them. My messages remain largely unread or not responded to, and I realize now in hindsight they read like bad comedy bits...

"Sorry I totally misread your profile and thought you had said "mud wrestling in Germany" and not Mud Wrestling and Germany as interests. I started to wonder if that was really a thing, and if it coincides with Oktoberfest, and then I wondered how much plane tickets to Germany are these days..."

"I liked your pictures, well everyone except the one with you and the snake. A pet? Though I'm sure I'll eventually learn to love your snake. Wait are we still talking about the reptile?"

"Sounds like you are looking for a Bonnie to your Clyde, or a Jeckyl to your Hyde."

"I know that place you mentioned in your profile! Wanda's Pie in the Sky! sorry I get excited about pie."

"I don't think occasionally eating chicken kabobs makes you a bad vegetarian. But from now on when eating anything I enjoy I am going to say I ate with "joyous carnal abandon" in honour of you, it's my new favourite thing to say so thank you."


This was a sampling of messages I've sent only in this past week.

Oh god. I'm going to be alone forever.