First, a little story my Russian told me about some friends of his....
When packing up to leave the hotel where they had spent the weekend while in Montreal, the BF was doing his usual OCD ritual of searching the room making sure nothing got left behind accidentally. Crouching down to look under the bed he thought to himself "I don't remember bringing an umbrella" but reached for it anyway. When he brought it out he stared at it a little bit and heard the GF scream "DROP IT OMG DROP IT!! OMG WHY ARE YOU STILL HOLDING IT!"
Turns out it was a large cucumber in a condom....
The other morning, Russian and I had this interchange:
Russian: they are calling for rain today
Me: who's "They"?
Russian: *eyeroll* the forecast calls for rain today...
Me: that's good, English is a tool, use it wisely.
Russian: speaking of tools, did you remember your umbrella *eyebrow waggles*
Me: Oh I always carry one …oh wait a minute…ewww!
Russian: Do you want to see mine?
Me: dood don’t whip it out here!
Russian: see? *pulls out small compact black umbrella* it’s small but it does the job
Me: oh mine is bigger than that! *pulls out bigger umbrella from purse* I’m used to bigger ones
Russian: *puts his umbrella next to mine* yes it is bigger than mine
Me: Aw do you have umbrella envy now?
Russian: LOL
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